I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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