If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
