FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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