people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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