And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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