I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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