I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
