probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
