Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
