I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
