I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
