hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
