so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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