Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
