So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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