i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
