3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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