I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
two words: eviction party
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
