I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize