My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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