you would pick up someone in the library
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
