I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
