grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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