i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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