how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
