I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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