Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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