I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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