yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
