Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this boner is exhausting
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
