i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
