"it" just moved
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
