She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
