my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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