Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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