Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
