Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
