i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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