Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
