I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
