fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
