OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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