It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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