Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
