i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
