period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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