We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
