He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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