Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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