I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
