I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
