I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
