I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have aggressive nipples.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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