Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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