Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
