I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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