before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
