Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
