really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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