Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
