where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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