I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize