Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
