I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
