No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
