yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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